If you could read my mind . . . you would be in tears.

---

Who am I?
A writer,                                         {who does her best}
a sister,                                           {who is not the friendliest}
a daughter,                                    {who is respectful and distant}
a techie,                                          {who is dedicated and in love with theatre}
a girlfriend,                                    {who shares her whole heart and true self}
a reader,                                         {who longs for new books to improve her knowledge}
a student.                                       {who works her hardest and balances her time so-so and doesn’t give up}

Why am I here?
To learn,                                          ~to build my knowledge and devour new information~
to improve,                                     ~to practice and try and fail and know what to do better~
to create,                                         ~to write as much and as often as I can and leave breadcrumbs~
to bond,                                           ~to know other writers and how they write and find inspiration~
to enjoy.                                          ~to love writing and reading and finding inspiration everywhere~

---

---

They see a smile.                                          She hides the pain.
They see a friend.                                         She pushes loyalty.
They see confidence.                                   She hides fear.
They see quietness.                                     She embraces the misunderstanding.
They see weakness.                                     She uses her words as power.
They see subtlety.                                        She embodies the silent boldness.
They see bare eyes.                                      She shines her light from them.
They see broken bones.                              She creates life from wrongs.
They read a damaged soul.                       She writes from her pain.
They read emotions.                                  She thrives off ever-changing moods.
They read fragile confidence.                   She pushes beyond her limits.
They read unfriendliness.                           She shows herself to true people.
They feel split.                                              She laughs away those who don’t really care.
They feel on guard.                                     She avoids confrontation.
They see . . .
They read . . .
They feel . . .
Who cares? I am she. Me. Not what anyone else sees.

---

I share my truth.
My pains.
My fears and loves.
I show my happiness,
Not often deep pain or hurt,
But those who care,
I share.
I let myself go
And have fun
With people I love.
I give myself time,
Sometimes,
To breathe, see, feel.
And yet, I am bottled up.
Broken.
Alone and surrounded.
Contradicting myself
At every turn.
“You’re okay.
You can make it.
Believe. Trust.
You’re happy.”
Right?

---

There is a woman whose walls have crumbled and what is left is controlled by my instinct.

There is a woman whose loyalty is undeniable until values are contradicted.

There is a woman who worries through the night, about all that needs to be done.

There is a woman whose friends now she never thought she would have and is endlessly grateful for them.

There is a woman whose curiosities have taken control and guide many decisions.

There is a woman who wants to befriend everyone and hides behind a mask.

There is a woman who dreams and speaks up, yet not as much as should be done.

There is a woman who watches amazing things happen and yet steps in not often.

There is a woman who pushes herself hard in school, her job, and technical theatre in and out of school to the point of burnout, only to satisfy what others need and potentially give herself happiness.

There is a woman who is picky about processes of things, organization, and proper instruction, who never leads and still pushes for how things should be done.

There is a woman who, when faced with conflict, no longer lashes out in anger but works on not closing up.

There is a woman who seeks guidance while guiding and hides her confusion behind a strong smile as she helps others through the same.

There is a daughter who avoids almost all familial interaction because of the anxiety, disappointment, depression and anger that follows.

There is a sister who no longer shows care or love, but in times of need does her best.

There is a friend who cares overwhelmingly for her friends and does all possible to help and comfort them until she herself breaks.

Is this me? Does this sound like me?

---

---

My URL. snowyowlblog

I made this in 2016. I am keeping it because it keeps me linked to the child in my soul.
I picked it at the time because it related to what I was doing, and I thought it would last forever.
It only lasted about a year, but my URL remains.
It keeps me humbled in how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown.

My Title. Translates to Damaged and Surviving.

I picked this because I have been through so many things and been hurt many times and I continue to move forward.
I push my way through the hard times and enjoy the good times. I may not be thriving yet, but I am surviving.

My Tagline. “Life was dark in every possible way.” ~ Molly Burke.

She is a motivational speaker and YouTuber who went blind at the age of 14.
She had to relearn to do everything and faced many mental health issues.
She now manages unbelievably well and is constantly positive.
It is inspiring to see someone who has had so much thrown at them come out on top. The quote I picked is from one of her videos.
It reflects my feeling of life being dark currently, but also, the mindset I hope to reach in the near future.
I want to push myself past the hardships I am in now and be able to enjoy life to the fullest.

My Theme. I’ve created a magenta and blue aesthetic.

It’s unique to me as they are always colours I look for around me.
I am keeping the shades dark because it’s an embodiment of my soul in a way.
Each of my page titles and designs is different than the typical because I regularly make it my mission to not follow the norms.

 

Photo Links: rebloggy.com/post/gif-pokemon-black-and-white-anime-creepy-awesome-pokemon-gif-cartoon-moon-night/47605225802

www.wittyfeed.tv/unknown-crazy-facts-about-human-bodies-71705

www.pinterest.ca/pin/576108977317985501/?lp=true